Why I Won’t Be Telling My Parents I’m Bisexual until I Date a Girl

I had happily settled into university life and, as it was only first year, was out partying 2 or 3 times a week. My flatmate had met a girl on her course – we’ll call her K – and had been on a night out with her. K had ended up coming back to our flat and staying the night to save her from walking back across campus to her own hall. So, when we had our hungover post night out debrief in the morning, K was still there laughing and complaining along with the rest of us. My friend was completely oblivious to the fact she’d just shared her bed with a lesbian overnight, and had no problem with it, but was slightly surprised when the rest of us told her afterwards.

K soon became good friends with my flatmate, and one night we ended up having pre-drinks together before heading to the student union. We shared several kisses throughout the night and K ended up coming back to mine. We stayed up talking for hours before she had to leave in the early hours of the morning to rush back to her halls as she had a train to catch a few hours later.

We started chatting on snapchat and messenger, as you do once you’ve met someone new. A few nights later she came over, we were both completely sober and she ended up staying the night. I am so very grateful to K. I owe her a lot for helping me fully realise my own sexuality and being so supportive as I worked it out. She shared what it was like coming out, how it felt and helped me feel so much less weird about the whole situation. Obviously, my flatmates were supportive, but it really helped having advice from someone who had been there too.

When people say they are confused, it doesn’t even touch the surface. I’d had the whole foundation of my world snatched out from underneath me overnight. I was at a complete loss of what to do. I think I had always known I looked at some girls differently. I went to an all-girls secondary school and naturally a few of the girls identified as being lesbian or bi. I’d always then be quite interested in them and sometimes develop a crush, but only on the girls that I knew weren’t straight. I’d always dismissed the idea of ‘huh, maybe I like girls?’ to the back of my mind as something I didn’t need to think about just yet and instead focused on school and all the other things a teen girl worries about.

But this was a whole other ball game, it forced me to stare at the issue directly in the eyes. There and then. I knew I liked girls. And I knew I still liked boys. What on earth do I do with that information? I let it eat away at me until 3 days later I was crying down the phone to my childhood best friend of 10 years asking her not to hate me and think of me differently. “B, I’ve got something to tell you, please don’t hate me. I like girls… and I like boys… I think I’m Bi…”

All my friends that know have been understanding, accepting and I’ve had no issues with people knowing so far. If a friend didn’t accept me for who I am, then maybe they shouldn’t be my friend at all and as much as it would be sad to see them go, I could move on in my life without their negativity. It would be significantly harder to do that with my family, for starters I’m still heavily dependent on them helping me finance my way through university.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m 100% comfortable with my sexuality, I just don’t think that its that big of a deal and not something that everyone needs to know. I treat my Bisexuality as a “need to know basis.” For example, in my current relationship, we’ve talked about my sexuality. I had to come out to him which was a terrifying experience in itself; it was in the early stages of our relationship and I was still wanting to make a good impression. I thought me being Bi had the potential to change everything. It didn’t but there’s always that small negative voice in the back of your head.

Coming out is difficult and an uncomfortable experience for both parties involved. I don’t want to be having the conversation with my parents until its necessary. I just know that with my family it’ll be different. They won’t be instantly as understanding as my friends have been. They have been brought up in a different time, my grandparents were raised to think it was extremely wrong to be anything other than straight. It doesn’t make any difference to me, I’m still the same person. But I know in their eyes I will be completely different. It’s not that I think they wouldn’t be supportive or have a completely negative reaction, I just think they won’t understand. Especially as it’s not just, ‘oh by the way I’m just into girls,’ it’s slightly more confusing than that. ‘How can you like both?’ is the question most people ask. I have no idea, trust me I’d let you know if I did, just accept that I do.

My family are so very supportive of me and all I do but there’s still a tiny part of me that thinks my sexuality could change that. So, I feel its best just to avoid that hurdle and skirt around it until I date a girl and want to bring her home.

One comment

  1. Oh sweet girl, it’s really so much easier than you think. My daughter is Bisexual. For her it started in high school dating boys and having crushes on girls, but not wanting tell me. When she finally did I was only a little surprised because I, like many others, thought people prefer one or the other. But I grew up in a different time when these preferences were kept secret.

    The important thing about my daughter is that she taught me that she is attracted to a Person, their insides not their outsides. Wow! I am so proud of her!
    And I’m sure your parents will be too once you explain that it’s really not about the labels, it’s about the person you enjoy being with.
    Much love to you on your journey.


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