It’s that time of year again. We all start to make our ‘New Years Resolutions’. It’s so interesting that as a society we believe that this change of digits, from one year to the next, means we have to make a promise to change ourselves in some way. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing, especially if the new year is what pushes you to do and try new things that you’ve never had the drive to do before. I think the problem comes when we feel obligated to make changes, just because we are told it is the thing to do.
Over the years I’ve made many new years’ resolutions, but they almost always involved changing my appearance in someway: I was going to get fitter, or lose weight; Change my diet, or find new ways to make my complexion better. All in some vain attempt to ‘make myself happier’. But none of these things ever worked out, and they certainly didn’t contribute to my happiness.
2017 wasn’t exactly a year of profound enlightenment for me. Nothing spectacular happened. In fact, it was a year like any other. But somehow I feel like last year I took a step in the right direction. Yes, I still have depression and anxiety, and they still get the better of me more often than I’d like. My eating disorder is still causing me problems almost 10 years since it first started. But I think I am, finally, learning. I’m learning to love myself, though I’m not always successful. I’m learning to embraces my faults, as well as try and improve on them. I’m teaching myself to try new things, but also to be comfortable when I don’t want to. I’m finally realising what I want in life.
Do I think that 2018 is going to be some movie-worthy, epiphany filled adventure? No, probably not (though one can always hope). But what I do know, is that for the first time in a long time, I’m willing to make the most of my year. To accept the bad and fully embrace the good. I’ve realised that living, really living, is about the small moments, not just the big. And so my new year’s resolution is to embrace every small moment, because they all come together to make my life what it is, to make me who I am.
My resolution is to continue to try, and to not stop trying, no matter how hard life becomes. I promise myself that I will continue to push myself out of my comfort zone, and work on my anxiety, but also to cut ties with things that cause me unnecessary distress. I promise to try and battle my depression, but not to get angry with myself when the days become too hard. I want to discover new things, and take on projects that I am truly passionate about, like my writing, and not let anyone stand in my way (even if that person is myself). I am going to embrace myself fully, and I am going to work on myself; not because society tells me to, but because I want to make the most of this life.
This is a public declaration to myself, so that this time next year I can look back and see how far I’ve come. And to anyone reading this, if you choose to make a resolution, let it be something that will make you sincerely happy, and not just something that will please those around you. Embrace yourself. Appreciate life. Be happy.